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attitude regarding failure, he was able to draw on the
power of self-discipline in order to persevere. Edison's
experience with the lightbulb graphically demonstrates
the absurdity of linking failure to self-esteem. I suppose
we could say that Edison saw the light.
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Self-Discipline in 10 days
Our egos have been trained by society, schools, and parents
that to fail is something about which we should be ashamed.
Consequently, in growing up we grew more reluctant to attempt
anything at which we were unsure of succeeding; our subconscious
thought became "If I fail, I'll look like a fool."
Because this thought process goes on subconsciously, we are
not aware of its powerful influence on our behavior. But regardless
of any task we attempt, when this belief is in operation our
power of self-discipline lacks the full force and support of our
entire personality. We're like a six cylinder engine operating on
just four cylinders.
What are the personal results of such a scenario? Because of
this type of thinking, it is easier for many persons to continue
compulsive eating, drinking, or smoking rather than risk the self-
imposed humiliation that accompanies an unsuccessful attempt
to change.
Or consider the procrastinating businessman who can't get
himself to promptly perform the tasks required in his work. In
many such cases, fear of failure is operating. He fears losing face
more than losing money; so he subconsciously tells himself that
if he fails, it won't be quite so humiliating if he hasn't fully
devoted himself. "After all," he subconsciously tells himself, "I
wasn't really trying."
This same twisted, subconscious logic operates within students
who can't get themselves to study or complete assignments on
time. Ironically, while this attitude provides a pseudo-shield from
the self-imposed humiliation involved in failure, it also plays a
significant role in most failed enterprises. For unless one fully
invests oneself, one's chosen task suffers.
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Before self-discipline can be employed, fear of failure must
first be accepted, then shown up for the subconscious saboteur
that it is. When we drag fear of failure out into the light, we'll
find that humiliation is at its foundation. We, therefore, must
continually remind ourselves that failure is not humiliation unless
we make it so in our own minds. Failure can be viewed as a
stepping stone rather than a tombstone. Once this reality is fully
accepted, fear of failure loses its power to sabotage our self-
discipline.
The point: Subconsciously, we all link failure to
humiliation. Fear of humiliation hampers our ability to
make a strong commitment to our chosen endeavors,
the big stuff and the little stuff. Commitment is a
necessary ingredient of self-discipline.
The following exercise will bring you into contact with your
own subconscious feelings about failure and humiliation. These
feelings affect you emotionally, intellectually, and even physically
more than you probably are aware.
Now that you know the inhibiting power of fear of failure, you
can see the necessity of minimizing that power. The formula for
reducing fear of failure lies in your refusing to link failure to self-
esteem. For when you perceive failure not as a tombstone, but as
a stepping stone to success, you immediately multiply your
power of commitment; this automatically strengthens your power
of self-discipline.
Remember: Failure is a stepping stone, not a tombstone.
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Self-Discipline in 10 days
Exercise #1 - Exploring Fear of Failure
The following exercise is designed to help you discover your
hidden concerns and emotions regarding fear of failure.
You will explore three past experiences that you perceived as
failures, mistakes, or just dumb behavior. Recall these three
experiences from any area of your life: work, love, leisure, etc.
The only rule here requires that these situations or events must
be the most embarrassing and most humiliating experiences that
you can recall.
You will be tempted to take all of these three experiences
from a recent time in your life because you still consciously feel
their sting. But, do not. Instead, take two of them from your
earliest memories. Explore your childhood. This will give you an
awareness about how, when, and where your attitudes and beliefs
about failure originated.
Like ghosts, past failures haunt us. Indeed, past experiences
do affect our present behavior. By writing down your worst
experiences, you'll be giving these ghosts concrete form. Then
you can confront them squarely. This will be your first step
toward freeing yourself from their influences.
Note: Be honest. Spend no more than fifteen minutes on
this exercise. And, yes, it will be difficult to write down these
experiences. Hyde will be peering over your shoulder and giving
you a load of reasons to simply think about it rather than write
it. So for you to feel hesitant and uncomfortable represents a
common reaction. If, however, you forge ahead you'll be
astounded by the results.
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5. Fear of Failure
As you write take notice of yourself both physically and
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