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Hungarian, of course, translated here for the rest of us), eg:
% I m finished have a good evening, everyone!
% I m off, out to dinner. Good night!
% I m off for lunch now, see you at 2!
And even just:
% Bye, everyone!
What s wrong with Joe?
In a very competitive team, Joe (let s call him) had always been
the first into the car park in the morning and the last to leave at
night. Gradually the other team members started following his
example and also started coming in early and leaving late. After
a few weeks of this, everyone was really tired, work and family
life were suffering, and the quality of the work was deteriorating.
How to break this pattern? A consultant was given this project
by Joe s boss, along with a cover project so that he could get to
know the team in the meantime. He quickly realized that this
pattern had spread to a café down the road, where the team
would assemble even before work started! And so he too arrived
there as soon as the café opened, and soon another team
member arrived, startled to see the consultant there, of course.
When asked what he was doing there, the consultant said that he
was worried about Joe. Was there something wrong with him that
he couldn t get his work done on time, did he know? He just
wanted to check with Joe s workmates before the boss had to take
action.
The next morning, another of the team members was the first to
arrive, and got the same message, and gradually the word got
around that if you couldn t do your work on time, there could be
something perceived to be wrong with you! Mission accom-
plished.
How People Tick 1-224:How People Tick 19/12/08 16:21 Page 204
51
Yes people
who appear to Agree with Everything and have
No Real Opinions of Their Own
What ticks us off
It s hard to get an honest opinion from these people, which can
leave us feeling very frustrated, because if we don t know
where they stand, it s harder to know where we stand.
Their answer to most questions about what they think or
want or prefer is along the lines of What do you think? or
Whatever you like or I ll go along with the majority or
Anything you say/do/want/agree is OK by me.
No yes
I remember working with a multinational team in Japan. My
normally calm German client was yelling at my Japanese
colleagues, I m sick and tired of you agreeing with me all the
time, whatever I say. I want you to challenge me more. I need you
to question my thinking more robustly. I want you (and by this
time he was shrieking almost impossibly) to Stop Saying YES All
The Time!!
After a stunned silence, one of my Japanese colleagues, trying
to be helpful as always, ignited a veritable volcano when he
politely replied, Yes, Sir.
How People Tick 1-224:How People Tick 19/12/08 16:21 Page 205
Yes people % 205
How it can happen
There are many possible factors here:
% Some people have been told never to disagree with their
elders and betters , and so they don t.
% Others might have been led to believe that their opinion
doesn t count or doesn t matter or isn t worth a light , or
that they should keep their head below the parapet .
% Many believe that the customer is always right and want
to be seen to be acting on this all the time, even if it s to
their own disadvantage or to their organization s detri-
ment.
% And, on occasions, we can all be put on the spot if someone
barks at us Yes? OK? Is that clear? and we find ourselves
replying, Yes in a sort of daze. And when we come to our
senses, we realize that we re in a bit of a mess here, having
agreed with something we don t agree with.
' TI P
Tips for handling yes people
Honesty is the best policy
They need to be honest. Not painfully or brutally honest, but
simply honest. After all, if their mouth is saying yes while
their body language is saying no or not sure , other people
will be picking up these mixed messages.
The advice many people were given as a child to speak only
when spoken to or to agree with our elders and betters might
have been useful at the time, but it might not be appropriate in
all current situations! They can better follow their own
instincts and intellect now.
You could suggest, therefore, that they simply and honestly
say what they feel for instance: I d like to say yes to be
polite, but I d rather give this some thought and get back to
you.
How People Tick 1-224:How People Tick 19/12/08 16:21 Page 206
206 % How people tick
You could also suggest that they ask the other person for
clarification on what exactly they are asking or expecting for
example: Are you looking for me to agree with you, or do you
want an honest considered opinion, or what else are you
needing from me?
Look to yourself
Maybe we ourselves can take some responsibility, as we might
well have been provoking the yes answers and in future we
can get the answers we really need by changing how we invite
them. For example, we may need to ask smarter questions than
Yes? OK? Is that clear? , since most people who feel put on
the spot can find themselves blurting out the first thing that
comes to mind ie Yes or OK or That s clear while
panicking inside!
We could ask, What s your honest opinion about this? or
Can you consider this and let me know the pros and cons?
We could look at the person saying yes and check out their
body language and eye contact, to ensure that it s a whole-
hearted (ie whole-body) yes rather than a forced or false one.
We could even ask them, in a quiet moment, how we could
get them to be more open with their opinions, by inviting them
to tell us what exactly we ve been doing that s been inhibiting
them.
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How People Tick 1-224:How People Tick 19/12/08 16:21 Page 208
How People Tick 1-224:How People Tick 19/12/08 16:21 Page 209
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